How Emotional Work Actually Strengthens Healthy Masculinity

How Emotional Work Actually Strengthens Healthy Masculinity

Today I got an email from a woman that lit a little fire in me: In her message, this stranger asked me how, since I have such a clear and obvious passion for working with feeling and emotion (which she categorized as feminine), do I balance that with strong, masculine energy?

A little context: This woman had read a some of my work, and through that reading understood that I have spent many years diving deep into the study and practice of emotional processing, shadow work etc. 

Authenticity & Courtship

Authenticity & Courtship

Courtship is a funny word, and not one that many of us consciously use to describe the process of winning someone's attention, interest and affection.

There's probably a good reason for that: It's kind of gross. Implicit in the whole notion of courtship is an agenda - an attachment to making someone become attracted to you, and often a kind of manipulation toward this end. 

The Vulnerability Test: How to tell if someone is safe to be vulnerable with.

The Vulnerability Test: How to tell if someone is safe to be vulnerable with.

Most of you reading these words will be in some way like me: We learned very early on in life to close our vulnerability, because we were in an environment that wasn’t safe to expose such a pure part of ourselves. We were judged, shamed, ridiculed, or punished for authentically being. Given such circumstances, learning to close off certain (essential) parts of ourselves was a matter of inner survival.

I know that personally, I got so good at hiding my vulnerability that I nearly forgot I was actually doing it, and the process of first recognizing what I had lost (or buried), then excavating it, was quite intense.

Perhaps you can relate.

Emotional Processing 101: A Simple, Powerful Technique For Working With Your Emotion

Emotional Processing 101: A Simple, Powerful Technique For Working With Your Emotion

Emotional processing is absolutely fundamental.

Let me qualify that statement: I learned at a very young age that certain feelings were not okay to express, to take ownership of or maybe even to have - and that if I did express them, I would be either rejected or punished because of it.

So I developed a lot of unhealthy ways of hiding and contorting my feelings. I became a master repressor - automatically burying my feelings before I even fully recognized them consciously.

I'm Triggered - Now What? (3 Steps To Break Unconscious Patterns In The Moment Of Heat)

I'm Triggered - Now What? (3 Steps To Break Unconscious Patterns In The Moment Of Heat)

I am a crown prince of tiggering. Or I would be, if they gave out crowns and royal designations for getting triggered and acting a fool.

But, alas, they do not. Still, I have a colourful history of getting triggered and enacting outdated, inappropriate and toxic patterns - not an incredibly unique trait, I know. But one of the greatest journeys of my life so far has been studying the process of emotional “triggering” - in my own life. Slowing it down while I am in it, learning the signature thoughts and feelings of various unconscious patterns that have traditionally subsumed me, and developing the awareness and emotional resilience to withstand this type of inner coup.