In the spirit of the season, today's vlog is all about the most important intimate relationship any of us can cultivate - the one we have with ourselves! Conscious single hood is a vital part of most of our journeys at one point, and today's vlog explores the importance of embracing it as such. Enjoy!
Emotional processing is absolutely fundamental.
Let me qualify that statement: I learned at a very young age that certain feelings were not okay to express, to take ownership of or maybe even to have - and that if I did express them, I would be either rejected or punished because of it.
So I developed a lot of unhealthy ways of hiding and contorting my feelings. I became a master repressor - automatically burying my feelings before I even fully recognized them consciously.
Today's post is a VLOG I recently made that I'm very excited to share with you.
In this video I share my experience with and an approach that has been a complete game changer for me in the realm of emotional processing - turning towards and integrating all of the feelings that traditionally I would have turned away from.
I am a crown prince of tiggering. Or I would be, if they gave out crowns and royal designations for getting triggered and acting a fool.
But, alas, they do not. Still, I have a colourful history of getting triggered and enacting outdated, inappropriate and toxic patterns - not an incredibly unique trait, I know. But one of the greatest journeys of my life so far has been studying the process of emotional “triggering” - in my own life. Slowing it down while I am in it, learning the signature thoughts and feelings of various unconscious patterns that have traditionally subsumed me, and developing the awareness and emotional resilience to withstand this type of inner coup.
Last summer I poured myself a glass of water and decided to try something different that I'd heard about:
I held my hands above the cup of liquid (which was simple, unadorned filtered tap water), closed my eyes, and started to imagine energy beaming out of the centres of my palms and into the water. I breathed into my heart as I visualized and felt the energy of money, joy, and material flow both inside me, and flowing through my palms, infusing my water with its essence the way a bag of tea would.
Except this was a lot more interesting than most tea - it was a flavourless, odourless alchemical infusion.
The mythology of Christmas tells the story of many of our deepest inner lives.
Take the hard-hearted Ebenezer Scrooge who, visited by three ghosts and taken back through time to witness the calcification of his empathy and humanity, has an incredible awakening to the divinity of self, other and life.
Most of the great Christmas stories we tell are some variation on this theme of heart-opening, often assisted by a child or divine intervention (ghosts, Santa etc). You might say that they all depict some form of transformation into Christ (or more accurately, Christmas) consciousness.
That’s a bit of a mouthful, I know.
It’s also the technical term for what happens when our intense, unresolved emotions manifest as physical symptoms - something we all experience, whether we are conscious of it or not.
For me personally, there’s almost an inside joke among my close friends around how intensely I ‘somaticize’. That is, how my emotions and the misaligned energy of others I interact with can easily, if I am not careful, manifest as severe physical symptoms.
Call it being highly sensitive, empathic, blessed or cursed, it is a colourful reality that I’ve come to respect and learn from. To put it really simply: when my brain loses the plot - when mentally I am comfortable with things that are totally unacceptable to my core self - my body doesn’t miss a beat in staging full scale revolt.
When I was about five years old, I was on a trip to the city with my family when I lost my wallet.
Somehow I had saved up fifty dollars - a significant fortune for my five year old self - so the level of devastation I experienced when somehow I wasn’t able to find my life’s savings, contained within my precious wallet, was profound.
A few years ago this experience came to the surface as I was doing some inner work and excavation around feelings of loss, betrayal and scarcity - all of which were certainly cultivated by the episode of my lost wallet.
How does a breakthrough become more than just a momentary rupture in our status quo, and actually result in lasting, meaningful change to our person, our behaviour and our life?
I have asked myself this question endlessly, both as an individual on a path of conscious healing who’s trying to figure out all of the stops and starts, all of the roadblocks and beacons - and as a facilitator who helps others both “breakthrough” oppressive patterns or situations, and learn how to anchor new ways of being in their lives day to day.