Conscious Relationship

The Vulnerability Test: How to tell if someone is safe to be vulnerable with.

The Vulnerability Test: How to tell if someone is safe to be vulnerable with.

Most of you reading these words will be in some way like me: We learned very early on in life to close our vulnerability, because we were in an environment that wasn’t safe to expose such a pure part of ourselves. We were judged, shamed, ridiculed, or punished for authentically being. Given such circumstances, learning to close off certain (essential) parts of ourselves was a matter of inner survival.

I know that personally, I got so good at hiding my vulnerability that I nearly forgot I was actually doing it, and the process of first recognizing what I had lost (or buried), then excavating it, was quite intense.

Perhaps you can relate.

The Art Of Letting Go: Three Ways To Tell When A Relationship Is Over

The Art Of Letting Go: Three Ways To Tell When A Relationship Is Over

How do you know when a relationship has come to the point where the only healthy way forward, is letting go?

In my experience, most people have an incredibly difficult time navigating this question when it counts - and for good reason. Many of us bring to our relationships a rich tapestry of past wounds, needs and relational patterns that can either compel us to stay in the wrong relationships for the wrong reasons - or to jump ship the moment things get into emotional terrain we are uncomfortable with and don't know how to navigate. 

As I have written in the past, I don't personally see the end of a relationship as a failure. I actually feel quite strongly that, when it is in alignment and approached consciously, the end of a relationship can and should be extremely beautiful - it is actually one of the most important, sacred parts of a relationship.

YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE IS A SACRED DOCUMENT: How and Why To Write Your Soul Into Your Dating Profile

YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE IS A SACRED DOCUMENT: How and Why To Write Your Soul Into Your Dating Profile

Online dating profiles don't get much love. 

As a writer, facilitator, and someone with an appetite for depth, love and authenticity, however, I see the online dating profile as a sacred document. It is an opportunity for us to crystallize who we are, what our heart longs for more than anything in this life, and where we are at in our development as a human learning to relate to our own needs and vulnerability. It allows us to define our current place in the extraordinary dance of love, intimacy, sexuality and relationship. All of this, of course, in the service of drawing in a profound connection.

I mean, from both a writing perspective and a soul development perspective, this is very juicy territory.

Online Dating As A Sacred Practice: How And Why To Use Online Dating As A Tool For Your Soul's Growth

Online Dating As A Sacred Practice: How And Why To Use Online Dating As A Tool For Your Soul's Growth

I LOVE ONLINE DATING.

Not for the reasons you might think, though. I don't love online dating because it's an easy way to get laid. I love online dating because it's an extraordinary tool for exploring love, vulnerability, authenticity, desire and fear. In other words: it is overflowing with potential for us to challenge ourselves and grow. 

And yet, almost everyone I speak to about online dating has a level of cynicism about it. It's often seen as a kind of compromise - part of the sad reality of our modern life.

Recently an acquaintance was bemoaning her online dating experiences, complaining about how hard it is for her (a conscious, independent, self aware and highly sensitive woman) to find a true match. "There's just really not many people out there - and it's so hard to find them" she told me.

I couldn't disagree more.

Forgiveness Redefined: Letting Go By Finding True Accountability

Forgiveness Redefined: Letting Go By Finding True Accountability

In my early twenties, I got into the most serious romantic relationship of my life up to that point. It was the first time I had deeply fallen in love with a woman. Looking back on it now, it was a borderline religious experience, having my heart opened to the profound magic of intimacy. It was as if a certain sense had been missing throughout my life up until that point - and suddenly I uncovered it and discovered that it was possible to experience it on earth, with another person.

I came into that relationship a very wounded person, with a tremendous amount of baggage I had no idea how to navigate or even acknowledge. The relationship ended tumultuously, due to both of our inability to understand, process or communicate our feelings.

Conscious Relationship: Outgrowing The Idea Of 'Forever'

Conscious Relationship: Outgrowing The Idea Of 'Forever'

There is an outdated, archaic way of approaching intimate relationships that goes something like this: Two people meet, fall in love, and dedicate themselves to one another for the rest of their lives. They have found, in one another, the one. It may not be all smooth sailing, and certain parts of themselves will quite likely, over the years, slip into dormancy - parts that are not seen, validated or actualized within their partnership. But at the end of the day, this is just seen as collateral damage - they have still found the one, and there is a sacred contract that binds them together.

There is a beauty to this ideal and the purity of commitment it holds. On paper, it sounds good, but in practice it is incredibly limited, and ultimately a very unhealthy way to approach relationship. Before I go further into how bad this can turn out, though, let's look at an alternative approach instead.