Dating

The Vulnerability Test: How to tell if someone is safe to be vulnerable with.

The Vulnerability Test: How to tell if someone is safe to be vulnerable with.

Most of you reading these words will be in some way like me: We learned very early on in life to close our vulnerability, because we were in an environment that wasn’t safe to expose such a pure part of ourselves. We were judged, shamed, ridiculed, or punished for authentically being. Given such circumstances, learning to close off certain (essential) parts of ourselves was a matter of inner survival.

I know that personally, I got so good at hiding my vulnerability that I nearly forgot I was actually doing it, and the process of first recognizing what I had lost (or buried), then excavating it, was quite intense.

Perhaps you can relate.

YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE IS A SACRED DOCUMENT: How and Why To Write Your Soul Into Your Dating Profile

YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE IS A SACRED DOCUMENT: How and Why To Write Your Soul Into Your Dating Profile

Online dating profiles don't get much love. 

As a writer, facilitator, and someone with an appetite for depth, love and authenticity, however, I see the online dating profile as a sacred document. It is an opportunity for us to crystallize who we are, what our heart longs for more than anything in this life, and where we are at in our development as a human learning to relate to our own needs and vulnerability. It allows us to define our current place in the extraordinary dance of love, intimacy, sexuality and relationship. All of this, of course, in the service of drawing in a profound connection.

I mean, from both a writing perspective and a soul development perspective, this is very juicy territory.

Online Dating As A Sacred Practice: How And Why To Use Online Dating As A Tool For Your Soul's Growth

Online Dating As A Sacred Practice: How And Why To Use Online Dating As A Tool For Your Soul's Growth

I LOVE ONLINE DATING.

Not for the reasons you might think, though. I don't love online dating because it's an easy way to get laid. I love online dating because it's an extraordinary tool for exploring love, vulnerability, authenticity, desire and fear. In other words: it is overflowing with potential for us to challenge ourselves and grow. 

And yet, almost everyone I speak to about online dating has a level of cynicism about it. It's often seen as a kind of compromise - part of the sad reality of our modern life.

Recently an acquaintance was bemoaning her online dating experiences, complaining about how hard it is for her (a conscious, independent, self aware and highly sensitive woman) to find a true match. "There's just really not many people out there - and it's so hard to find them" she told me.

I couldn't disagree more.

Conscious Relationship: Outgrowing The Idea Of 'Forever'

Conscious Relationship: Outgrowing The Idea Of 'Forever'

There is an outdated, archaic way of approaching intimate relationships that goes something like this: Two people meet, fall in love, and dedicate themselves to one another for the rest of their lives. They have found, in one another, the one. It may not be all smooth sailing, and certain parts of themselves will quite likely, over the years, slip into dormancy - parts that are not seen, validated or actualized within their partnership. But at the end of the day, this is just seen as collateral damage - they have still found the one, and there is a sacred contract that binds them together.

There is a beauty to this ideal and the purity of commitment it holds. On paper, it sounds good, but in practice it is incredibly limited, and ultimately a very unhealthy way to approach relationship. Before I go further into how bad this can turn out, though, let's look at an alternative approach instead.