Intimacy

The Vulnerability Test: How to tell if someone is safe to be vulnerable with.

The Vulnerability Test: How to tell if someone is safe to be vulnerable with.

Most of you reading these words will be in some way like me: We learned very early on in life to close our vulnerability, because we were in an environment that wasn’t safe to expose such a pure part of ourselves. We were judged, shamed, ridiculed, or punished for authentically being. Given such circumstances, learning to close off certain (essential) parts of ourselves was a matter of inner survival.

I know that personally, I got so good at hiding my vulnerability that I nearly forgot I was actually doing it, and the process of first recognizing what I had lost (or buried), then excavating it, was quite intense.

Perhaps you can relate.

The Art Of Letting Go: Three Ways To Tell When A Relationship Is Over

The Art Of Letting Go: Three Ways To Tell When A Relationship Is Over

How do you know when a relationship has come to the point where the only healthy way forward, is letting go?

In my experience, most people have an incredibly difficult time navigating this question when it counts - and for good reason. Many of us bring to our relationships a rich tapestry of past wounds, needs and relational patterns that can either compel us to stay in the wrong relationships for the wrong reasons - or to jump ship the moment things get into emotional terrain we are uncomfortable with and don't know how to navigate. 

As I have written in the past, I don't personally see the end of a relationship as a failure. I actually feel quite strongly that, when it is in alignment and approached consciously, the end of a relationship can and should be extremely beautiful - it is actually one of the most important, sacred parts of a relationship.

Conscious Relationship: Outgrowing The Idea Of 'Forever'

Conscious Relationship: Outgrowing The Idea Of 'Forever'

There is an outdated, archaic way of approaching intimate relationships that goes something like this: Two people meet, fall in love, and dedicate themselves to one another for the rest of their lives. They have found, in one another, the one. It may not be all smooth sailing, and certain parts of themselves will quite likely, over the years, slip into dormancy - parts that are not seen, validated or actualized within their partnership. But at the end of the day, this is just seen as collateral damage - they have still found the one, and there is a sacred contract that binds them together.

There is a beauty to this ideal and the purity of commitment it holds. On paper, it sounds good, but in practice it is incredibly limited, and ultimately a very unhealthy way to approach relationship. Before I go further into how bad this can turn out, though, let's look at an alternative approach instead.